How to Get Someone to Brush Their Teeth

Recently I had a young woman patient ask me about her new husband. Apparently he is perfect in every way except one.  He refuses to brush his teeth, and his mouth odor is driving her crazy (despite his use of mints)--so much so that it is interfering with her desire to be intimate with him. She asked me about how to get him to brush his teeth.

Getting someone to brush their teeth seems like one of those things that you shouldn’t have to do, but the unfortunate reality is that dental hygiene is not high on the priority list for many people. Years of bad habits formed as a child carry over into adult life and can affect relationships with friends and family, and especially with significant others, including spouses and fiancees.

But, it’s not too late to help someone change those unhealthy habits. Here are some strategies that may help change the conversation around oral health in your house.

Provide Data

From sleep trackers to fitness watches, people love tracking their performance. Why should teeth be any different?

Take some pictures of the person’s teeth and show them what they look like to the outside world. We often do not see ourselves in the way that others see us, and the new perspective may be eye opening enough to change their mind.

You’ll also have a starting point to track progress over time. Commit to taking new photos every month or even every week to help them see how things are progressing as their dental habits improve.

Here are some numbers that may help fuel the visual evidence. According to the Oral Health Foundation:

• 66 percent of adults have visible plaque on their teeth
• 74 percent of adults have had at least one tooth extracted
• 29 percent of adults have regular tooth pain
  

No one should want to be part of these statistics. With a few simple behavior changes, your significant other does not have to be.

Be Honest

No one likes to tell someone else that they have bad breath or unsightly teeth, especially when it’s someone you love. However, sometimes honesty really is the best medicine. Tiptoeing around the issue is not going to incite long-term change.

Note that being honest is not the same as being mean. You can communicate your thoughts and feelings in a calm and rational way. If he or she starts to get defensive or angry, remind them that you are just trying to help and change their life (and yours) for the better.

If you do not feel comfortable having a conversation like this in person, write down your thoughts and then make time to for a discussion about them. Being open with your feelings may also get to the root of why he or she does not take care of his teeth.
And, remember that these changes take time. You will likely need to have some version of the conversation multiple times as you work through the behavior change. Continue to provide positive reinforcement when they do brush their teeth and gently remind them when they do not.

Appeal to their Logic
The failure to invest only a few minutes per day in their oral health can have dramatic impact on your loved one’s life. As someone who loves them, if you notice their poor hygiene, certainly others will, too. This might affect their other interpersonal relationships, and their career advancement.

I also wrote a recent article about about how inflammatory cells from bacteria growing in your mouth can lead to or worsen Heart Disease, Diabetes, Alzheimer's, Arthritis, Cancer and Pregnancy Problems, which are all very serious, life-threatening conditions. These risks can be reduced by simple changes and investing about 2 minutes twice per day as part of a routine.

But let’s assume they aren’t concerned about getting any diseases. The lack of basic oral hygiene will most certainly lead to thousands of dollars of future dental treatments, tooth loss, dentures, and pain. And why? This can all be avoided.

Call for Reinforcement

If they won’t listen to you, no matter how eloquent your thoughts or how much information you provide, it might be time to consult a dentist. A dentist can offer an objective and professional opinion that may resonate better than what you or other friends and family members say.

Make an appointment and go with them to visit the dentist. Our team at Dr. Elzbieta W. Basil, DMD, with offices in West Hartford Center and Downtown New Britain, has heard it all when it comes to people who do not take care of their teeth, so we’re ready for whatever your significant other might have up their sleeve.

If you suspect that there might be depression or other mental issues at the heart of the dental behavior, you should also consult a therapist to help them work through them.

These issues are never easy to tackle, but a little effort and perseverance now will reap lifelong benefits for you and your family.

Keep smiling,


Dr.Elzbieta W. Basil, DMD is a private practice dentist with offices in West Hartford Center and Downtown New Britain, Connecticut.  She is a Clinical Instructor at the UConn School of Dental Medicine, and has won several awards naming her regional “Best Dentist” and “Top Dentist.” She is an active member of the Connecticut State Dental Association and the American Dental Association. Tel: 860-561-2121